


Secular

by bumblebitch



Category: Original Work
Genre: Multiple Personality Disorder, Polyamory, Trans Male Character, attempted suicide, but only towards the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:50:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10521600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumblebitch/pseuds/bumblebitch
Summary: After she nearly dies, Valerie Grayson embraces who she truly is and tries to overcome whatever's in her way. And she won't do it alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically Foreign Bodies with all the holes filled in. But I like to look at it as something similar, but mostly different. Either way, enjoy.
> 
> (SKIP CHAPTER 6 IF YOU DON'T LIKE SEX SCENES. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.)

"Please wake up, Val."

"Valerie, wake up!"

I had been in darkness for I don't even know how long since that day. However long after the old me had died and was reborn as the new me.

If you didn't already know, my name is Valerie Grayson. Well, it was Valerie. You might now get what I mean when I say that, but you will soon. 

I knew I wasn't like most girls when I was five. I never liked my hair past my collarbone and absolutely hated wearing pink. I kept trying to get it cut. My mother, Elaine, was against it. She didn't know what was going on in my head that made me want this, or that it led up to my suicide.

I'll say it again, I'm not like most girls. Matter of fact, I don't feel like a girl at all. I feel more like a boy than anything else. And I tried conveying it with such things as my disdain for pink. Though that just conveyed I was gay more than anything. And I'm not gay, I'm bi. There's a difference. Nobody seems to notice that, and it pisses me off.

I have a girlfriend. Her name is Skylar and she is one of the most amazing, beautiful people I have ever known, and I am proud to call her a lover.

I'm 24 as of now. Too young to die, I know. And apparently whoever's upstairs took notice of that. Just to say I don't believe, so to speak, but there's no way someone's not up there. 

I opened my eyes for the first time in what felt like forever and saw a horrified Skylar staring back at me in the stale white hospital room. 

"Skylar? What the hell happened?", I asked her, still figuring out where I was. 

"What do you mean what happened? You almost fucking died!" She screamed back at me. 

"Your mother's in the next room," a nurse said to me. I didn't give a damn. She never understood that I was different. I bet she didn't care to read the note.

"Should I bring your mom in?"

"Skylar, don't. She's the last person I want in here," I said back. "If you read the note-"

"I read it."

I froze. Out of everything that was going on, the last thing I need is to be alone when I need someone most. I know that Skylar hates bigotry to hell and back, otherwise she wouldn't have dated me and been my girlfriend. That doesn't mean I know how she'd react to having a transgender boyfriend. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Finally, after keeping it in for what felt like an eternity, I let it out.

"I was scared, alright? Knowing that you liked girls from as far back as I can remember. I've known you almost my whole life. I can't lose you now."

I had tears going down my face at that point. That didn't last long though, as Skylar got up from beside me and pulled me into a hug I thought couldn't come sooner. 

"I love you."

"I love you too."

She pulled me out of the hospital bed I was in for what she told me was about a week and check me out of the hospital. The ride home was silent.

I have a sister. Her name is Angel, and it fits her, as she is one of the most genuine, loving, wonderful people I have ever been lucky to have in my life. Her and Drew, another transboy who I met in a support group about ten years ago. I'm lucky to have them. They were waiting when I got home with Skylar.

The first thing I got was a hug from Angel. 

"I thought I was gonna fucking lose you!", she said to me through tears. I hadn't seen her since the night I tried to end my life.

Drew got up and almost tackled me.  
"I have no idea what the fuck I'd do without you." I stopped him from taking his own life ten years ago. Saw him hanging in his bedroom closet. 

And if it weren't for them, I wouldn't have had the courage to confront my mother. She's not abusive, just ignorant. 

I opened the door to my mother's house.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to read the fucking note."

She picked it up and read out loud:

If you're reading this and haven't entered the bathroom yet, this letter is my last. My depression, anxiety, dysphoria, all of it is fucking killing me. I can't keep living with all of that. And to the "mother" who was never there for her kids, you would know that your daughter is your son. You'd know if you cared.

-Valerie Grayson


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where things start to get interesting. 
> 
> Enjoy.

She set it down and looked at me with a shocked expression. I could see right through her. She didn't give a fuck at all. Not one fucking minute of our lives. That's why we looked up to our stepdad more than anyone.

"Don't give me that fucking face like it's life changing. You would've known sooner if you were a real fucking parent like he is. You didn't give a damn about us."

"Don't you talk about him like he was your actual goddamn father. I live God first, family second. I love you with all my-"

And right there in her living room, 24 years of suppressed anger was unleashed in one move. 

Right then and there, Elaine Grayson was hit with the mother of all slaps for the one that she failed to be.

"DON'T YOU THINK FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND THAT I CAN'T SEE THROUGH YOUR BULLSHIT! YOU FAILED AS A PARENT, AND YOU KNOW IT! NINETEEN FUCKING YEARS! DOWN THE DRAIN! AND YOU USE YOUR FUCKING 'GOD' AS AN EXCUSE! FUCK YOU!"

Skylar had to restrain me before things got anymore physical. I looked down at my mother, in the fetal position, scared on the floor.

"One suggestion I have is using birth control next time around. No use having another kid to not give a shit about."

After we left the house, me and my sister talked for a minute. 

"Thanks for that, Val. You stuck up for both of us when you knew I needed it most."

"You're welcome, Angel. And I'm sorry for exploding like that in front of you."

"It's totally fine! You did what you had to do. For us."

"Love you, sis."

Love you too, bro."

I had tears in my eyes hearing her call me bro for the first time. I hadn't talked to Drew since we left, so I went to fix that. 

"That was crazy what you did back there."

"That's what happens when 24 years of neglect gets the best of you."

"Hell of a way to shut her up, though."

"It was, wasn't it?"

We laughed together for the first time since the night before I tried to kill myself. Skylar waited outside his room.

"Almost 2 o'clock. Probably going to bed."

"Okay, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I walked to me and Skylar's bedroom and sat on the bed.

"Just got a text."

"Who sent it?"

Work: Hello, Valerie. We heard what was happening and we would like to give you as long as you need off of work with pay to recollect yourself and get back on track. Best wishes.

If you don't know, I have a job. I work for a broadcaster called Rediffusion as a DJ from 1 to 6 Monday to Friday. One of the highest paying jobs out there a person without a diploma can get. $50 an hour. 

"It's from work. They're giving me as long as I need off with pay."

"Because of-"

"Yeah."

"Cool. That way, you'll be able to go through with your changes and go back when you're ready"

"I just want to say something. I'm sorry if you're mad because I tried to take myself out."

"I get why you did it. But still, don't scare me like that! I thought I would lose you!"

"Right. I wasn't thinking about that."

"If you need anything, we're here. We love you. I love you."

"I love you too, with everything I have."

We kissed and fell asleep in each other's arms that night. Now I get to pull myself together. I go on tomorrow for the last time in a while.

"You probably already know this, but this is my last show. It's been fun, but I need to take some time to myself and get me back on track. A good friend of mine, Christa McDowell, will take my place. I would like to thank my girlfriend Skylar, my sister Angel, my best friend Drew, and everyone out there for listening to my show and supporting me for this long. And I'd like to wish Christa the best of luck. See you along the way."

I walked off to the tune of the first song on my show over 7 years ago. "Best Of You" by the Foo Fighters. 

Christa was an old friend of mine from the same support group Drew and I went to. She was Chris at the time, but transitioned and started calling herself Christa. 

I don't know for sure, but it's going to be a long time before I go back to work...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there's a lot of filler. I try to make my work somewhat enjoyable.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I feel Valerie brings out who she really is as a person. Also leads into where the story goes later on. Enjoy.

The transition process took the better part of last year. 

Surgeries to reshape my face, and to slim my figure down to at least a neutral shape, neutral concerning gender.

Binding so I didn't have to go in for another surgery. I've been in that hospital long enough as it is. 

Voice training that kind of worked, kind of didn't. My voice is still high for a man. 

And it's back to the operating room tonight to get a uterus transplant, since my own was damaged by the OD during my suicide attempt. 

I notice something while I was out from the anesthesia. Something dark and full of anger. It was in the shape of my old figure, pre-surgery. It walked towards me, threateningly. Thankfully I awoke from the surgery before I knew what it was.

I find out later on that the uterus that was donated was deficient, as it's unable to bleed properly. They tell me I'll never have my period again. I don't believe them.

I'm split 50/50 on how to respond. They should have known that going into it, as medical professionals, but it's one step forward to masculinity. I can be feminine one moment and masculine the next. Depends on the day.

Seven months passed and all I needed to do was change my name. I kept thinking about what I would call myself now.

Then I think about the doctor who saved my life that night. I remember his name off the top of my head. 

Dr. Lucas Cornell. 

I am Lucas Grayson. Valerie is gone now, she remains in some way in the back of my head. Will she ever surface, I don't know. That is up to fate to decide.

Today Angel and I go to see our stepdad for the first time since my almost death. I was told he was there when I was still comatose. 

We pull up to his house and I look for his doorbell. I see a mailbox labeled "JAMES REYNOLDS". I know right away it's him. Angel rings the bell and I see him open the door. 

"Angel? Didn't expect to see you. What brings you here?"

"There's something I need you to read. It's from Val."

She hands him the note. He reads it:

If you're reading this and haven't entered the bathroom yet, this letter is my last. My depression, anxiety, dysphoria, all of it is fucking killing me. I can't keep living with all of that. And to the "mother" who was never there for her kids, you would know that your daughter is your son. You'd know if you cared.

-Valerie Grayson

He was stunned. A look of shock came over his face as he dropped the note and turned to the window. I knew that moment he was staring at me. 

"Lucas, come in."

I step through the door. "This is Lucas," she reintroduces me. "My brother."

"Hi, Dad."

I must have struck something when I said that, because within seconds he collapsed onto me, and I put my arms around him.

"I never thought I'd see you again."

"I know. That's why I held on."

When I did try to kill myself, I thought about everything that happened in my life up until that point. One person I thought about was him. I consider him my father, since I never had my real one growing up.

"Why Lucas though?"

"For the one who saved my life that night."

"Dr. Cornell?"

"Yeah."

I've known Dr. Cornell since I was little and he was the first to show up to the ambulance when they brought me in that night. 

The visit was short. We were on our way home when I looked out the side window watching someone attacking a group of teens on the side of a road. We ignore it once we see a police officer step out of his car and tase the attacker, who ran. Once we get home, the news was on TV, running a story about the attack.

"Police are on the lookout for 23-year-old Seto Kureshima tonight after he allegedly attacked a group of teens on the side of the road, who would like to remain anonymous. No charges have yet been filed."

I froze. Seto Kureshima was a foreign exchange student from Kyoto who we went to middle school with, but apparently moved back home before ninth grade. I had no idea how he got back here, or if he stayed. I swear I saw him stare at me from the scene for a split second before we kept moving. I didn't know what I'd be getting into soon....


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucas runs into a bit of a problem, in more senses than one.

A lot of things haunted me that night. 

The stare Seto gave from the side of that road, as if he knew who I was and was after me because he saw me look at what happened.

Whatever was developing in the back of my mind. I saw the figure walk towards me in a dream. A dark, burning red figure with a female shape. I don't know what it is, and I fear the worst.

We made the decision to gather evidence on our own, since the police force are slow as hell. We were there at the scene, when a series of clues led us to a warehouse a few miles away. As far as I know, it hadn't been used for years. 

I was in no way prepared for what happened next.

"What the fuck?"

"What is it, Angel?"

"Lucas, look!"

I turned to the left and almost threw up upon what I had seen. Three dead bodies, clothes soaked in blood, hanging from nooses on a bar in the rafters. 

"What the fuck happened here?" Drew practically screams. 

And seconds later, we were ambushed. 

A figure came from the side and attacked Drew, kicking him in the stomach and pushing him to the ground. Skylar tried to stop him, and he retaliated by lifting her by the throat and dropping her next to Drew. He leaped to Angel before I stepped in front. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground, knocked out. 

(Valerie POV)

I saw a bright light shine right into my face. I had no idea where I was until it died down and I was in front of Lucas's mind. I had been riding shotgun for too long. Now is my time.

I had a crop top on under the shirt I was wearing. I bolted up and kicked Seto in the stomach and tripped him. 

And after that, I took my shirt off to reveal the crop top and put my hair in a ponytail. And at the top of my lungs...

"SHE'S BACK, FUCKERS!"

(Lucas POV)

I was trapped inside my head again. She, or it, was in control. The part of me that was still female had mixed with the anger and the dysphoria and created her. And she was livid. I was scared by what could happen next...

(Valerie POV)

I pounced on him and kept swinging. 

"Why the fuck would you do this?"

"Do what?"

"KILL THESE FUCKING KIDS?"

"How am I supposed to know if they were gonna snitch?"

"Then why the fuck did you attack them in the first place, you sick fuck? Do you even know who I am?"

"You're Valerie Grayson. We went to school together."

I got off of him.

"You look like a man, what's up with that?"

"It's Lucas now. I'm his second personality."

And I bolted at him and swung my fist as hard as I can.

"You thought I would let up that easily? I'm surprised."

Another blow and he was out. 

As soon as I turned around, I was met with a horrified stare by who could only be Skylar.

"Is there another problem?"

"Who are you and what are you doing with my crop top?"

"Clearly not Lucas. He's still shivering in the back of my head."

Drew reached out to me in shock.

"What are you? A split personality or something."

"Accurate."

"What do you call yourself?"

"Valerie."

Angel put her hands over her face as Drew put his arms around her. 

And me and Skylar kissed for the first time in what felt like forever. And once that happened, I passed out. Back to shotgun...

(Lucas POV)

I have no idea what the fuck just happened or why I'm wearing Skylar's crop top. I took the band out of my hair and put my shirt back on.

"What the actual fuck is going on? I know for a fact that wasn't me in control back there."

"Valerie took over."

So that's what she calls herself. Splendid. 

"Do you want your crop top back? I don't remember putting this on at all."

"No, keep it on. It looks cute on you."

She laughed, and I laughed with her. We both know the future is going to be rough, but we'll make it together. As friends. 

We got home and I looked in the bedroom mirror and tried to surface Valerie. Once I tried a few times, I fell asleep. Skylar came in and lied down next to me.

And inside my head, I found myself speaking to her. 

"Who are you?"

"I'm Valerie."

"You named yourself after me?"

"Since we share a body, it seemed fitting."

"So what are you, exactly?"

"Well....."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new Valerie introduces herself to Lucas.

"...I'm the part of you that is still female, mixed with the anger, dysphoria, and a few other things."

"And it manifested as you?"

"Yes."

Nobody else knew what was going on in my head. This conversation is between me and Valerie only. 

Waking up the next morning wasn't easy at all. Especially when you black out a second later, and come to realizing you're wearing a crop top.

"Just throw a shirt on over it," I heard Valerie say. "You'll be fine."

I looked at myself in the mirror. Damn. I thought, for a guy in a crop top, not bad. Someone must've caught me, because I heard what sounded like Skylar laughing.

"Stop!"

"Why? You're cute in a crop top."

I threw a shirt on to cover it. 

"You know why!"

"Fine!"

I lifted the shirt to take it off once I realized it was dirty. And once I did, I passed out...

(Valerie POV)

Back in control. 

"Anybody seen that Soundgarden CD he left somewhere here?"

Drew walked in, expecting Lucas. 

"Hey, Lucas."

"It's Val."

"Oh. Check in the dresser, that's the first place I'd expect him to leave it."

"Thanks."

I open the drawer and sure enough, there it is. A copy of "Telephantasm", among others. I drop the CD in the player as "Hunted Down" starts playing. I start singing along as I do my makeup.

"Your smile as you look in the mirror! Tears have left your eyes! Your face has a different exterior! Permanent disguise!"

"You're cute when you sing."

I turned around to see Skylar standing there.

"Care to explain why you’re wearing my makeup, Lucas?"

"Lucas isn't wearing your makeup. Valerie is."

"Oh." 

I know it was hard for her to get accustomed to this whole MPD thing, but it'll happen eventually.

We go to collect more evidence from the warehouse to send to the police force when we find more dead bodies. The three that were there are still decomposing. We see Seto sitting on a chair in the back room.

"What do you fuckers want?"

"What the fuck are you doing with these kids? They never did anything!"

Seto proceeded to bolt up and slap me across the face. And the next moment, before I knew it, I was on the floor with him on top of me. Swinging at each other with as much force as we can manage. I held him off just in time to get back to Skylar.

"You guys go home, I'll be back later."

"What the fuck do you mean? What if he fucking kills and hangs you?"

"He won't, because I have something planned..."

And as they went home, I blanked out and shared my plan with Lucas...

(Lucas POV)

I sat with him in the back of the building.

"What could I possibly do for you that will make you stay away from me and my friends?"

"Well, not much."

I thought back to the bodies. Some of them had a white liquid running off of them. It struck me immediately what it was. Which led to an idea.

"I can give myself to you, for one night, and you leave us alone. Deal?"

"Fine. I can do that."

I guess they faked leaving, because I heard Skylar yell from outside. 

"What the fuck? What if you get-"

"Relax, I brought protection."

I don't know what the hell Valerie was thinking, but it could be our last chance to get this fucker off our backs....


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucas holds up his end of the bargain he made, in hopes that this will end his current situation.
> 
> (SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU DON'T LIKE READING SEX SCENES. LAST WARNING)

I walk in to see him waiting on a hastily prepared sofa bed in nothing but boxers. I'm in a crop top and a pair of girl-fit underwear. He snickers at me once he sees them, and I smack him on the shoulder in response.

"Ow, fucker, I didn't say anything."

"Just take them off and get it over with."

"Fine."

(Smut scene starts here. Click away if you don't enjoy smut.)

He takes off the boxers and my eyes immediately zoom downward. I wasn't expecting anything like what he packed. Had to be 8 inches at the least. 

"Holy shit."

"What?"

"It's fucking huge."

"Thanks?" He says with a confused tone.

Whatever, I thought. I take off my crop top. My breasts are small to the point they're unnoticeable in a shirt or the top, but they're still there. 

"Why so slow?"

"We haven't seen each other in years, not to mention I'm trans and in a relationship. It's fucking awkward."

I take off the underwear and his eyes dart down low to my vagina. Knowing that it's still there kind of makes me feel the dysphoria, but it leaves after a bit.

Being born in the wrong body sucks, but it's the only one you'll get, so roll with it.

I sit down next to him and immediately he starts focusing on it, and I feel two of his fingers slip in.

Immediately my senses are starting to gather steam. I let out short, breathy moans as he starts to pick up speed, and I focus on his length and wrap my hand around it and start pumping. I want to get this done as soon as possible so I can get the fuck out of here.

I had him moaning within a minute. It was a few moments later where we decided "fuck it" and decided to get this over with. After he got on top of me and was ready to put it in he said something that I never in a million years expected.

"Are you sure this is okay with-"

"Yeah, just do it." I had to cut him off.

And he thrust in with a snap. My senses went into complete overdrive. 

"Oh, fuck. Shit, this is-"

"Don't get your hopes up. I'm leaving as soon as we're done."

I felt him slow down.

"That doesn't mean stop now. Speed up, fucker."

And within seconds he was going faster. As minutes passed, and passed, and passed, I felt my release start to build. I could tell he was close too. His breathing was faster and his thrusts were getting more erratic. I tried suppressing it, but there was no holding it back, and I let go, leading him to do the same.

"Faster, holy shit, I won't last much-Fuck! Oh my god, yes!" I screamed.

"I don't think I'll last long if-Fuck!" He groaned back.

(It's over. You're in the safe zone now.)

I threw my clothes back on, as did he. He might have been clean, but I had to take precautions. After tossing the used rubber in the trash, I walked for the door.

"Alright. I held up my end of the deal, you hold yours up."

"Fine. One more thing."

I turned my head.

"That wasn't bad."

"Likewise."

And I started on the way home. I had to make it back soon. I could almost feel Skylar pacing around our room, panicking. She doesn't know if I'm okay or not. I'll be there soon.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you made it through without cringing at least a little, if you didn't skip it entirely.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some moments between Lucas/Valerie and Skylar, among other things.

(Valerie POV)

Great place for him to fucking blank. I carried on the journey alone. I check my phone. It's 12:55 AM. Almost 1.

I had been walking for five hours when I ran in through the door just in time for Angel to walk out of our room.

"Does anyone know where my-"

She stops once she sees me and runs into my arms. She loses all composure and buries her face in my chest.

"Calm down. I'm okay. I'm here."

She settled and sat down next to Drew. 

"We seriously thought you were fucking dead until you came in," he says to me.

"You have no idea. Sky's locked herself in her room. Last time I checked, she's been rocking back and forth on the bed," Angel says. 

Just as he pictured. 

"You should probably go in there, Val. She's worried sick."

I walk to the room and open the door to see Skylar in the fetal position with her back facing me. I knocked on the door to grab her attention. 

"Lucas? Valerie?"

She bolts up and latches onto me.

"Great plan. How did you even think of that?"

"It just came to me when I saw the stains on the bodies."

Her look changed from one of relief to one of lust.

"I dropped a camera in the room where you did it. It was really fucking hot."

That sneaky bitch! Probably had her hand down there as well.

"You sneaky fucker."

"Thanks." She giggled at me and I let a smirk creep across my face. 

"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep." I told her. 

"You're welcome to join me if you want."

"I most certainly will." 

She lies down next to me. I see in her eyes the fear that she experienced for those three hours and what she was saying to us mentally. Not me. Not him. Us.

"Thank you for being alive."

I shed a tear, knowing what she and everyone here collectively felt. Anything could have happened during that time. 

"I love you with everything I have. Don't you ever forget that. You have no idea how lucky I am to have you in my life."

"I love you too, Val. And not just you, or Lucas, but both of you. I thought I had one amazing person in my life who became my other half. Now I have two."

We kissed as we fell asleep in each other's arms 

(Lucas POV)

One crazy plan she had back there. We don't know if it worked yet. All I know is I'll never forget that as long as I live. 

I heard the exchange she and Valerie had and it took all my strength not to shed a tear. I'd been scared about how all this would affect her. She was able to get to know the new Valerie and love her just the same. 

"Her love knows no bounds, does it?"

"It doesn't. That's how she is."

"I know! We're lucky to have her."

I opened the shower door and turned the water on. I needed to clear myself out. 

Minutes after I'm out I heard a knock on the door. It's from Drew. 

"What is it?"

It's your mom, dude. She's at the door and she wants to talk."

Just what I fucking needed. 

"Just what we fucking needed."

"Who's we?"

"Us. Me and Val."

Silence.

"At least let me put some clothes on."

"Fine."

I got dressed and walked out of the bathroom to see Skylar on the couch in nothing but a bra and underwear.

"Can you put some fucking clothes on?"

"Why ever so?" She has lust in her voice when she says it and I try hard to ignore the heat emanating from between my legs. 

"Apparently, my "Mom" wants to talk to me."

"She's here? Right now?"

"Yes, right now!"

She hurried into our room and shut the door. I went down and answered the door.

She stared at me with a shocked expression. 

"What?"

"Your face is totally different, and your voice is lower. You can't possibly be-"

"Shut the fuck up and come inside. There's something we need to discuss."

She gave me a glare and walked in. Angel came out of the kitchen as soon as I sat down.

"Hey, could someone help me with-what the fuck are you doing here?"

"There's something we need to talk about, or at least that's what Drew told me."

Probably about my MPD. Most likely my MPD. Definitely my MPD. 100% my MPD.

"I'm just gonna go straight to the point. When I transitioned, the feminine side of me that was still there, so to speak, mixed with the anger and the dysphoria to create a second personality."

And with that, I blanked.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elaine tries to patch things up with her son/daughter, who's falling apart.

(Valerie POV)

I woke up to frantic screaming as someone shook me awake. I felt myself fill with disgust once I realized who it was.

"What's going on-get the fuck off me!"

Elaine recoiled, stunned. I stared into her eyes.

"Do you know who I am?"

She stammered. "N-No."

"I'm Valerie."

She stared, shocked.

"His eyes."

"What about them?" Angel said from the other side of the room. 

"They're not brown anymore. They're ice blue."

I corrected her. "He can't talk about my eyes right now. I'm in control."

"And all three of us are really fucking angry." I gestured to Angel, who sat next to me. 

"Why are you here exactly?"

"To apologize."

I rubbed both my ears and looked at her in disbelief. After all of these fucking years you want to apologize now?

"For what?"

"For not being there. After what happened that day, I spent some time thinking about what I should do with myself. I thought about what you said and the error of my own ways to use religion as a scapegoat. I've failed you. I know it. And I want to start over."

We stare into her eyes and dig for any trace of a lie. We find none. I had no idea she'd been thinking that long since the day I let loose because I'd had little to no contact with her since then. I got up and hugged her tightly. And blanked in her arms.

(Lucas POV)

The constant switch between me and Val is starting to take its toll on me. My head's been spinning rapidly and I'm feeling weak. My heart feels like it's going to explode. I gather as much strength as I can and direct Skylar to the car. 

"Skylar, can you drive?"

"Sure. Where to?"

"Hospital. Fast."

She buckled in and floored it. We were there in less than ten minutes. I couldn't let myself slip away. If I did, I wouldn't go alone. Valerie would come with me, and Skylar would no doubt kill herself without me. She carried me into the ER, where Dr. Cornell was waiting. 

"Hello, Skylar. What seems to be the pro-"

He cut himself off once he saw me struggling to stay awake in her arms. 

"What's wrong with her?"

"A lot. Let him sleep and then we'll talk."

When I came to, I saw that I was hooked up to a few machines.

"What happened?"

"You're in the ER. You blacked out on the way here."

"You could've died, Valerie." Dr. Cornell turned to me. 

"There's something we need to talk about."

And she explained everything to him. The suicide note, the transition, everything.

"What does he call himself?"

"Lucas. He named himself after you because you saved his life."

I saw him wipe a tear from his eye.

"What's the problem right now?"

"I have a split personality. She's what remains of my femininity, stewed with anger, sadness and dysphoria. She calls herself Valerie."

He looked shocked. "She took your old name?"

"She did. And the constant switch has been getting very rough on me mentally."

"I saw. We ran some tests while you were asleep and your brain has taken a huge hit. But there's something we can do to fix it."

I had a surge of hope and a surge of fear. I didn't know what would happen to me, or how I would come out of it, if at all.

"We've been working on a way to remove alternate personalities from people's brains and putting them into other bodies as a way to treat MPD."

"What does it require?"

"The body of a recently dead person."

My heart almost stopped. What the fuck is going to happen to me? Or this person's body?

He wheeled in a body that looked like it was one of Seto’s victims. 

"It was a miracle all the organs were still working. So what we do is we use new technology to transmit the split personality into the dead person's brain and start it up again."

"How does it affect the other person's memories and stuff like that?"

"It's downloaded onto a cartridge that we keep in the consciousness bank in the lower level."

"So, the medical equivalent of a tinfoil hat?" Skylar interrupted. 

"You could say that," he replied, with a chuckle.

"When can we do it?"

"When you're stable. So three days tops."

My heart dropped. That's how long I'd be confined to this room? I think they'll treat me better this time. 

"Bye, Skylar. See you in a few days."

We kissed, and she left. These were going to be a long three days...


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If he/she wasn't falling apart before, he's/she's being ripped apart now...

They gave me three days to "cool down" so to speak. I was able to speak more to Dr. Cornell and tell him more about what's going on.

"I named myself after you because you saved my life. The old Valerie died that day and the new one started brewing in the back of my head. I named myself after you because I felt like I was a new man. And I can't thank you enough for that."

"It's what I do, and it means so much to me that you said that. I've known you since you were young. I've watched you grow and there was no way I was going to let you die that night. I hope you know I'm not charging you for any of this."

I smiled when I heard him say that. I had been saving every dollar since the radio show started. I didn't have to use it for anything medically. I was covered.

Three days passed and Dr. Cornell walked me down to the bottom floor. A stale hallway bathed in a pale blue light. A few doors in and we enter this room. I walk in and see something to the right of me that shocked me to the core. 

"Wasn't the body different a few days ago?"

"We already stripped her personality and reconfigured her to resemble Valerie."

I shake my head and look again to see she's already hooked up to the machine. 

"We've created new records for her as well," he says as he pulls up the records. She's already on the grid.

"And all you have to do is get hooked up. Be careful, though. The process is extremely painful."

I didn't care. Anything to get her out of my head. I laid on the platform as they strapped me in and flicked a switch. I was not prepared for what happened next. 

I quickly felt waves of pain shoot through me. A shooting pain in my head and everywhere else. I screamed through the process as the pain shot through me. 

I never in a million years expected to hear the other scream coming from the body lying next to me. 

Once the process was over, I got up and stared at the body next to me, know who it is, or at least now...

(Valerie POV)

The worst pain in my life shot through me as I was ripped out of his head and moved through the machine into another brain, that happened to be vacant. I was in full control. I couldn't be happier.

"Valerie, wake up!"

I heard Lucas's voice outside of my head for the first time ever and it was shocking. I opened my eyes and got up from the platform.

"Lucas?"

"Valerie?"

We half-hugged, half-tackled each other with tears in our eyes as we realized we weren't one anymore, we were two. He turned to Dr. Cornell. 

"Thank you so much for this," he says. 

"It's what I do," Dr. Cornell replies. 

"Valerie, do you have anything to say?"

"Thank you for giving me this chance. It means a lot to us both."

Group hug. The man who gave me space within his body, and the man who gave me my own. I couldn't be more grateful. 

"We're going to run a few tests and you're on your way."

The tests were done in almost no time. 

"Alright, everything is up and running. You can go."

"Thanks, doctor. For everything."

And we left the hospital and did nothing but talk for the thirty minute walk home. 

"How does it feel?"

"It's fucking fantastic."

"I know! Although I'm still gonna miss sharing a body."

"Same. It's kind of like living in a town where you've been all your life and moving someplace else."

"Accurate."

And before we knew it, we were home. 

(Lucas POV)

We walked up to the house and I pulled my keys out. I looked at Valerie and could tell she was getting nervous. 

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

"Thanks."

I open the door to an empty living room. This gave me and Valerie some time to sit and relax after a taxing day, our first together outside of my head. I hear Drew in the other room. 

"Is anyone home?"

Val and I shout back. "Yeah."

He walks out. "Can someone help me fi-"

He stops. "Who the fuck is this?"

Valerie gets out of my lap and walks up to Drew.

"Hello, Drew."

His eyes go wide. "V-Valerie? How?"

"Science."

(Valerie POV)

I walk over to Angel’s room and knocked.

"Come in."

I open the door and walked in and Angel is shocked.

"H-Hey, Val. What's new?"

"This body."

And the starstruck look she gives me lets me know she gets what's going on. And she's overjoyed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucas and Valerie know not to look for love, for it is all around them.

"You heard me, didn't you?"

"You got the procedure?" 

"This morning."

Angel half-hugged, half-tackled me onto her bed.

"I thought I would lose you forever."

"Aw, you never lost me and you never will."

"Love you, sis."

"Love you too, Val."

I got up and left the room. I have one of the best sisters on the planet, and nobody can tell me otherwise. 

(Lucas POV)

"Sky's not home, is she?"

"I don't think she is."

I get a text from Skylar saying that she was on her way home.

Skylar: on my way home do you need anything   
Lucas: no but theres someone here that wants to talk  
Skylar: who is it  
Lucas: youll find out see you soon

I put my phone on the desk and plugged it in. Valerie sat on our bed and I sat down next to her. We heard the front door open not too long after that. 

"I'm back! Just had to run and make a deposit."

She knocks on the door. "Come in," I say to her.

"Hey Skylar," Valerie said to her. Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. Valerie got up and hugged her. 

"So, I'm assuming the procedure worked?"

"You'd be correct," she said, and we laughed. I have some of the greatest people on the planet in my life, and nobody can take that away from me. 

(Valerie POV)

Skylar and I embraced for what felt like forever. I looked at her face to see her wild smile and almost glowing eyes. We kissed and Lucas sat on the bed watching. 

"Bring it in, Lulu."

He laughed and joined the hug. At this point, the future left my head. All I thought about was right then and there, and the two greatest people on the planet in my arms. One was the woman who was there for me from the moment we became friends and eventually partners. The other was the man who I became and eventually was reborn in and went through hell to keep me alive. 

I don't know what's to come, but one thing is for sure. I have the greatest people ever in my life, and if anything stands in our way, we'll make it through together. 

And there is nothing in this goddamn universe will tear us apart, I'm sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that really is it. Thank you for coming this far and not giving up on this story earlier on. I really appreciate it. And by the way, an epilogue will be here soon.
> 
> Thanks again,  
> Connor

**Author's Note:**

> And if you go, I wanna go with you...
> 
> ...and if you die, I wanna die with you...
> 
> ..take your hand and walk away...
> 
> -Lonely Day, System Of A Down


End file.
